buzz buzz buzz doc there's a hole where something was...

intro/Disloyal Order of Water Buffaloes:
I'm coming apart at the seams
Pitching myself for leads in other people's dreams now
Buzz buzz buzz Doc there's a hole where something was
Doc there's a hole where something was...

Fell out of bed
Butterfly bandage
But don't worry
You'll never remember
Your head is far too blurry

Put him in the back of a squad car restrain that man
He needs his head put through a catscan
Hey editor, I'm undeniable
Hey doctor, I'm certifiable

I'm a loose bolt of a complete machine
What a match, I'm half doomed and you're semi-sweet

So boycott love
Detox just to retox
I'd promise you anything for another shot at life
Perfect boys with their perfect lives
Nobody wants to hear you sing about tragedy
Wants to hear you sing about tragedy

Little girl
You got me staring odd
Or was that just a telescopic camera nod
Painted dolls
In highway truckstop stalls
Lot lizard scales cool your nightlife moods
All the rookies leave your badge and your gun on the desk
When you leave the room

I'm a loose bolt of a complete machine
What a match, I'm half doomed and you're semi-sweet

So boycott love
Detox just to retox
I'd promise you anything for another shot at life
Perfect boys with their perfect lives
Nobody wants to hear you sing about tragedy
Wants to hear you sing about tragedy

Detox
Just to retox
Detox
Just to retox
Detox
Just to retox
Detox
Just to retox

So boycott love
Detox just to retox
I'd promise you anything for another shot at life
Perfect boys with their perfect lives
Nobody wants to hear you sing about tragedy
Wants to hear you sing about tragedy
--fall out boy

i have been seriously listening to this record since it came out. i really need some new music...
but this is just so good.

till later.

my heart is on my sleeve...

at work we finally began the process of taking down and packing away the christmas stuff. we are also getting ready for the next big holiday...valentine's day. ugh. as long as i can remember i have always hated valentine's day. come on, it's not even a real holiday. i could go into my big, long rant about how valentine's day is pointless and depressing but maybe i'll save that for another time. though i can't help but think that the only reason i detest said (fake) holiday is because i've never had a (real) valentine. sure, i have had friends who have tried to make the day less horrible. i even remember when heno, who loves v-day, went out of her way to get me in the valentine mood by getting me a little red and white valentine's day stuff doggie and placed it on my bed when i got home from classes that day (this was when we lived together). but i can't help but feel like this year will be the worst one yet (even though last year, the last person i wanted to see that day ended up the first person i ran into...). it's just this year, i'll be more alone than ever. i won't have friends to share the day with. and to make matters worst i work at a florist! having to take orders from people who are sending/buying things for someone they care about yet none of it will be sent to me. and having to type out short little love notes that i'll never get. it's going to be beyond depressing.
oops. i said i was going to save my rant for another day. oh well. i'm sure as the day draws closers similar entries will follow.

till later.

chai, traffic, and music...

work was short today.
it was so slow and dead.
which isn't so bad for me since i didn't have much to do...
though having nothing to do is not always a good thing.
too boring.
good thing i only worked till one.

i got a ice chai before heading home.
i guess it is cheaper now (or cheaper in here) since it's only like $2.45 or something for a tall instead of $3 something was (or is in hawaii), though i only had to pay the $3 something if my starbucks boy wasn't working, haha.

the drive took forever to get home since there was yet another accident.
seriously, like i've said, i've seen more car accidents since i've been here then all the years i've lived in hawaii.
i always find it interesting how once you pass the actual accident scene it's smooth sailing from there, like everyone disburses.

i ended up going to walmart with mom and i bought some new frames (which i posted photos of in the pervious post). i was so happy to have found a 11"x17" frame since all my band posters are that size. though i don't think i'll ever be able to buy a frame for everyone of them, at least i know they exist if i really, really need some. there was only one left which was fine since i just wanted one for my fob print.

speaking of which, the new fob cd has permanently made it's home in my car's cd player. it's so good. i keep finding new songs i just love. though, maybe i should listen to something else once in awhile. i kind of want the new all-american rejects cd. i wonder if it's any good. they hold a very special place in my heart because of their concerts i've been to. i've seen them three times, and each time held such good memories. plus nick playing his guitar...woah.

i'm so glad i have tomorrow and monday off. maybe now i can finish cleaning up my room since i've started to more things around.

till later.

folie a deux...

i am home from work today.

i am sick.

i am stuck resting in bed.

it is cold.

it is still raining.

being home sick proved to be a good thing though -

i got to sleep in.

i didn't have to drive on the highway in the rain.

i got to eat breakfast for dinner.

i got to watch last night's episode of heroes that i missed since i fell asleep way to early.

- speaking of which (heads up, this is my heroes/sylar rant), i must say sylar was so good in this episode. i know he's all evil again, but he's so hot. it was cute when sylar talked about having your heart broken, aw. though, his heartaches are pretty much self-inflicted, right? i mean he killed elle and his mom, two people that loved him. hmm, i wonder who his real parents are and how they play into all of this. and ando got his power. though, maybe not the one he wanted. he's still awesome though. and nathan's still a douche, never been a fan of his character. peter really needs to just let him go. ugh, new episodes don't start again till february. so. far. away.

and yay for sylar narrating the beginning (yeah, i looked it up. it's a good quote):

On the sixth day, God created man in his own image. Now it's up to us to figure it all out. Right, wrong. Good, evil. In each of us is the capacity to decide what drives our actions. So what is it that makes some choose selflessness, the need to devote oneself to something greater, while others know only self-interest? Isolating themselves in a world of their own making? Some seek love, even if unrequited, while others are driven by fear and betrayal. There are those who see their choices as dark proof of God's absence, while others follow a path of noble destiny. But in the end, good, evil, right or wrong, what we choose is never what we really need. For that is the real cosmic joke. The real gift that God has left behind.

and even after all that goodness there was still more.

this showed up at my door:

i ended up pre-ordering it awhile back. i can't believe it actually came on time. i ordered the "deux" package. it was the poster that sold me on it. i really like this image. it's cute. i know the perfect place for it on my wall. there is still so room left. all i need now is to get a frame. man, i saw so many places where they have deals/packages you can order for this album. i mean i even saw something at wet seal. sellout much...j/k. but i think the "deux" package was the right choice for me. i wonder about the people who got the "trois" package. they much have money to burn or are total die-hards. i could never spend $130 on something. i mean getting "deux" was hard enough for me. anyway, besides the cd and poster, i got a red and yellow fad rubber bracelet, a shirt with the same image as the poster, a mini red sharpie, and this shirt (though this photo is missing the box for fad):

which box would i check? tttyg is probably my favorite of theirs. though i do like futct a lot. and honestly, i hardly listen to infinity on high, i don't know why. well at least i'll have new music to listen to on the drive to work.

till later.

i want it that way...

i slept in till almost 2pm today. that hasn't happened in a long time. i must have been super tired...i had a really crazy dream too, though no zefron. i guess that's what happens when i stay up till 3am watching episodes of never mind the buzzcocks on youtube. i've been trying to catch up on the lastest season. this show is so good, so funny. it's very british in it's humor...very dry and sarcastic. i remember the first time i saw this show, it was sometime in january, around 3am at ktuh and ross made me watch the episode with amy winehouse. anyway, i'm still trying to figure out if i'm liking simon's hair this season. either way he's still awesome. too bad the episode with russell brand was pulled because of his recent scandal. i hope it does air one day. i bet it was crazy funny.

this was part of the first episode this season. so classic, so funny:
mark ronson was guest captain that show. but i loved when he was on last season:
he was totally adorable, though i guess, when isn't he.
skip to 3:30 to witness adorableness.

oh and in this episode the keytar made an appearance as well, which i also love.

after i was up and ready to go, my mom and i went grocery shopping. at one point i was walking around with three bottles of green tea and a container hummus in search of my mom. i don't know how she does it but she tends to totally disappear at times.

before we left i picked up a la times newspaper because i heard there was some twilight stuff in it. it had twilight posters in there:

and on the backside, if you put the two pages together you get this:

well i guess it was a good thing i bought a huge frame for my other twilight poster. i just kind of made a little collage of the images. too bad the newspaper posters were double sided, since i couldn't show both sides. though i did make sure to use the image of james/cam. i kind of liked him on the o.c. though volchok was a douche...maybe that's way i liked him. hmm, jasper/jackson was also on the o.c. around that time too.this is totally reminiscent of my bop/big bopper/b.b. days when i use to collect posters of j.t.t. and the backstreet boys. i'm hoping all my twilight stuff just stays in this one place and doesn't start scrawling all over my walls...though, there's really not much room left, sort of.

speaking of reminiscing, i just got done watching the last episode ever of trl. though i haven't watched that show regularly since carson hosted, it's still sad to see it go. i remember when it first started before the live was even part of the title, when it was just carson, alone in a room filled with tv monitors playing videos. i remember the days of boy bands, the pop princesses, and more. it was great that they not only got carson back for the finale but a bunch of the other djs and guest. i mean justin and jc/nsync (haha, the early nsync days), christina aguilera, travis barker (aw, the blink 182 days), kid rock, jonathan davis from korn (ah, the korn and limp bizkit days), beyonce, diddy, eminem, 5o cent, nelly, luda, snoop (yay, drop it like it's hot!), hilary duff (hmm, i wonder if she talked to joel). 10 years. crazy. it was like they included a timeline of my favorite bands that were part of the show. i mean first there was the backstreet boys (brian/b-rok!) for me. to be honest, they were always my favorite, sorry nsync. everytime i hear one of their songs i can't help but smile and sing a long word for word. though it's still a little weird without kevin. i can't believe they've been together for 15/16 years. wow, i'm old. i think the boy band days was like the golden days of trl. it was so good back then. after the boy bands came my undying love for good charlotte so yay for the maddens being there. and they even talked about all things rock. i use to love that show. i remember having to stay up late at night to watch it but it was so good. good times. good times. then of course most recently fall out boy, too bad pete wasn't there for the performance...though he's going to be a daddy soon so that should come first. it was cool to see sisky playing bass for them though, weird but cool. i thought it was funny when they were talking to pete on the phone and quddus asked how everything was and pete was going on about going to chinatown and getting a bootleg copy of twilight and watching it like 90 something times or something. and quddus was like, "um, actually how's your wife doing?" oh pete.

it was the end of an era for sure. at least there's f'n mtv now. maybe i'll make it out to one of their tapings now that trl is gone...or maybe not.

well, this is an epic post. i think i mentioned like everything i could in this post. yeah, not really but close.

till later.

it's late and past my time, it leaves you blinded...

things on my mind:

first runner runner now national product. while watching the island: rw/rr (i don't know why i keep watching it, thank goodness it's over) i hear a familiar tune. i quickly look up and see, on the little black bar on the bottom of the screen, now playing - artist: national product/ song: sean song. sweet. i did a painting inspired by those lyrics. i wonder how one goes about having their music played on a show.

um, oh i now have a framed twilight poster hanging in my room. dork, i know. i got the poster a couple of days ago from walmart. and today i got a frame for it. it wasn't going to be framed but there was a sale on poster sized frames. the frame is huge though. i didn't remember the poster size when i got it but it works since the background of both the frame picture and the poster is black. either way, all the frames where on price no matter the size so it's not like i over paid. at least now the little wall space in the corner of my room is no longer blank.

also, all the twilight tarilers on tv are making me - 1. really wanting the movie to come out now so i can watch and 2. tired of seeing it played over and over again, it's going to start bugging me. oh well.

i'm also quite addicted to stumbleupon.com. i just keep clicking and clicking. though i have found some really interesting sites.

and lastly, i am heavily debating on if i want to pre-order fall out boy's new cd folie a deux. i'm sad that it was pushed back but maybe the wait will make it better. it's just, i don't know if i want to spend so much money. no way am i getting trois, $130+ yeah right, but i'm leaning towards deux rather than un...but i don't know yet. deux is still a lot of money but i really like the poster and the shirts are wearable. maybe i'll wait too long and all the pre-orders will be gone.

speaking of pete. isn't his baby due soon? she hasn't given birth yet, right? i keep think about how pete will totally flip out with happiness if baby wentzlee (thanks guy ripley for that one) is born on halloween, pete's favorite holiday.

ok enough, i should get some sleep.

till later.

what's it like to ruin all my self esteem...

reason #35 for why i love target-

they sell hello kitty stuff for only $1:

i went in only to buy contact solution and i came out with all that. i'm a sucker for hello kitty. and for only $1, score! haha.

still on the hunt for a job. sucks so bad. i hate filling out applications and interviews, so sick of them. then again they're probably the only time when i have actual interaction with people other than my mom. ugh.

wow, that last entry was such a downer. i have faith thing will get better over time. i'm just slowly working through it. odd, it feels like i wrote that entry so long ago but really it was only yesterday.

---

so weird, i feel like i have spies around the art building because i get updates on who's there. it happened to me twice this week. it's nice to hear from friends. though, one of these updates involved a boy who should listen to this song:

When you act like nothing ever happened
I feel like I should feel bad
But I can't like someone who thought
They're the only one that mattered
While my heart got shattered like romantic roadkill
My heart is all splattered
Your ego got fatter
And I hope that you're flattered
Cause you broke this down
The best thing that you never had

-butch walker

i came upon this song in a blog i read. i always feel like such a creeper reading it because i don't even know her. but this situation she has been in is something i can relate to in a way. i just wish i had been brave enough to send the email i wrote. why didn't i listen to this song around november/december? why do i even still care? gosh, he's not even worth it. i sure i'm over it, but a part of me doesn't want to let it go. i need a new distraction.

in between all these emotional songs i've been listening to, i've been listening to the citizensFOB mixtape, which actual has a snippet of butch walker's mixtape on it. ngl, i'm liking cookie jar by gym class heroes feat. the dream. everytime i hear the dream i think of adam since he's the first person who told me about them. kind of weird.
anyway, cobra starship's i kissed a boy, of course gabe would do that. and all the snippets of the new fall out boy songs just leaves me wanting more. i'm such a loser but when i first heard patrick's voice on the new songs i got so excited. no lie.

like i said, just the tip of the iceberg.

till later.

folie a deux...

NEW FALL OUT BOY ALBUM!!!
nov. 4th!!!
i didn't see this coming...at least so soon.
yay!!!
apparently there's this whole viral thing happening linking FOB, decaydance, CFOB...and so on.
it's crazy.
get the free sneek peek of some songs as well as others: CFOB mixtape

this is only just the tip of the iceberg.
following up to this point was insane.


it's almost 5am and i can't sleep (what a surprise).
i need a boy to sing me to sleep.

till later.

i wish that i was as invisible as you make me feel...

some post secrets i've found and relate to so much at this moment:

i could go on and on with more. it's nice to know i'm not alone in these feelings. but i wish i wasn't feeling like this. i wish i knew how to start over because when i was given the chance to i ended up right back where i started...

i can't stopping feeling like i hate where i am at the moment. i don't just mean the actually place i'm at but also the path i'm making of my life. i feel like it's one big mess and i don't know how to clean it up. worst part is, i know i brought it on myself. i'm just afraid i'm not going to get myself out of this completely intact. i know i'm broken and even if i fix myself, the scars will still show.

sometimes i sound just like a broken record.

today i was hit with something. maybe it should be the answer to it all. at least it seems like it could be...but i too scared and too selfish to actually want to let it happen.

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i want to believe this one so much:

till later.

website of the day: post secrets

song of the day: the pros and cons of breathing - fall out boy